ED AUSTIN

             "Music To Make Your Ears Smile!"     732-899-2964

LYRICS

TOO MUCH FUN!
© 1998 Words and Music by Ed Austin

Too much, too much
Too much, too much fun!
Too much (I've never had) Too much (It can't be bad)
Too much (I want to have) Too much fun!

Add two parts rum, one part fun
Everybody's feeling fine
We've come to find romance
We've come to learn to dance
Hey now, where's the conga line?

Too much, too much
Too much, too much fun!
Too much (I've never had) Too much (It can't be bad)
Too much (I want to have) Too much fun!

Got a good bartender, a quiet blender
Got Coronas and a lime
We can't find our shoes
But we can find our booze
Changing the world one drink at a time

Too much, too much
Too much, too much fun!
Too much (I've never had) Too much (It can't be bad)
Too much (I want to have) Too much fun!

Got sun and sand, got a jammin' band
Everyone's come here to play
We might act like fools
We might bend some rules
We might throw all our cares away

Too much, too much
Too much, too much fun!
Too much (I've never had) Too much (It can't be bad)
Too much (It's time to have) Too much fun!

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I FOUND JESUS ( In the Ocean County Jail)
© 1997 Words and Music by Ed Austin

I said the right line, at the right time to the wrong woman
Then her bartender boyfriend punched me out
I swear I never saw it coming
Then one cop roughed me, one cop cuffed me
They said that I'd be getting ninety days
Well Judge, I saw the light on my first night
Now I've changed my ways

I found Jesus in the Ocean County Jail
I said three Hail Marys and I prayed He'd throw my bail
Judge, it seems so clear now
I want the world to hear how
I found Jesus in the Ocean County Jail

I was scared and drunk, sittin' on the bunk
when they opened up the cell
And these three big guys come stumbling in
They said "Welcome to Hell!"
One was staring at me, one was glaring at me
One's just wiggling his tongue
I got weak in my knees, I said "Dear God please,
I don't want to die this young"

I found Jesus in the Ocean County Jail
I said three Hail Marys and I prayed He'd throw my bail
Judge, it seems so clear now
I want the world to hear how
I found Jesus in the Ocean County Jail

I want to testify, testify testify
I want to testify, testify testify
Judge I'm praying that you're hearing what I'm saying

I found Jesus in the Ocean County Jail
I said three Hail Marys and I prayed He'd throw my bail
Judge, it seems so clear now
I want the world to hear how
I found Jesus in the Ocean County Jail
I found Jesus in the Ocean County Jail

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NEVER GOING BACK
© 1998 Words and Music by Ed Austin

I'm never, never going back
I'm never gonna pack
'cause I'm never, never going back

Spent the last ten days in the island sun
Working real hard at having too much fun!
Rummin', strummin', staying out all night
I'm planning on missing a morning flight

Maybe the rum and sun have numbed my brain
But there's no way that I'm gonna get on that plane

I'm never, never going back
I'm never gonna pack
'cause I'm never, never going back

Gonna leave my job, I didn't like it any way
I'll find one here, don't care about the pay
Have someone sell my place, sell my car
Send the money down, I owe it at the bar

Boy, it sure got drunk out since I came in here
All of my plans just seem to disappear

I'm never, never going back
I'm never gonna pack
'cause I'm never, never going back

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THE BATTLE OF THE BURGERS
© 1984  Words and Music by Ed Austin

I want to tell you about the Battle of the Burgers
There may be one in your town
Everybody wants to say that they're the top dog around

So one day Wendy, wicked Wendy
She said "Boys, let's settle this fight.
I think we're gonna have a meat judging tonight."

Everybody's talking 'bout the Battle of the Burgers
They say "Where's the Beef?"
Everybody's squaking 'bout the Battle of the Burgers
I can't get no relief.

So Big Mac, he says "Wendy,
can't you just imagine the fun?
I've got me two beef patties
I've even got me sesame seed buns."

But Whopper, he says "Whoa, Mac,
let the lady check out my flame.
Once a woman's had a whopper she'll never be the same.


Everybody's talking 'bout the Battle of the Burgers
They say "Where's the Beef?"
Everybody's squaking 'bout the Battle of the Burgers
I can't get no relief

So Wendy, she made her judgement
She said "Boy's looks like neither one's on top"
Then she ran off with some salami from the neighborhood butcher shop.

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IF DOGS COULD TALK
©1996 Words and Music by Ed Austin

Should you let a sleeping dog lie?

I wish that dogs could talk for just one day
I wish that dogs could talk for just one day
I'd want to be there to hear what they'd say
If dogs could talk for just one day.

My dog and I came back from a walk
We both fell asleep and he started to talk
He said "Come over here and give a listen-
I'm gonna tell you humans what you've been missin'"
First thing is I hate to complain
but I've had enough of that Gravy Train.
Take me out on a dinner date
and let me eat what's on your plate."

Then he said "I was hopin'
you could leave the gate wide open.
Gonna meet some friends in the full moon light
We're gonna party down 'cause it's garbage night."
                                            
A pack of poodles, pissed as could be
Says "Get these sweaters off of me.
Gonna go downtown, by some new shampoo
Gonna wear my hair like I want to!"

Retrievers, Collies and St. Bernards
Just runnin' through the neighbor's yards
Diggin', scratchin', passin' bones
Call the Poodle Line on the telephone

Huskies howlin" "Stop that mushin'!
Let me grab a nap on your sofa cushion.
C'mon, let me drive to town -
I'll let you roll your window down."

I wish that dogs could talk for just one day
I wish that dogs could talk for just one day
I'd want to be there to hear what they'd say
If dogs could talk for just one day.

Well, a Doberman lets out a wail
Says "Who says you could cut my tail?"
A Weiner dog says "I agree -
My bark even bothers me."

One more thing, about my sight
I want more than black and white
I don't need much, I don't need a lot
Just one time let me give the Vet a shot

Lassie, Rover, Rin-Tin-Tin
Even Benji's got a big ol' grin
'Cause Fifi, the Poodle's crackin' a smile
Says "C'mon let's do it human style!"

I wish that dogs could talk for just one day
I wish that dogs could talk for just one day
I'd want to be there to hear what they'd say
If dogs could talk for just one day.

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THE LIGHT
© 2000  Words and Music by Ed Austin

The fishing boats go gliding out the inlet
They pass a statue, lantern in his hand
As they go sliding over the horizon
We pray that they'll soon return to land

When you head out on the ocean
Wherever you may roam
May this light that sees you out
Be the light that brings you home

The sea has always held her secrets
But we on land have always known this fact
As long as men have ventured on the ocean
Not everyone that goes out will come back

When you head out on the ocean
Wherever you may roam
May this light that sees you out
Be the light that brings you home

Every man is someone's brother, father, husband or son
Every man is someone's friend
And every man is hoping as he's leaving
It won't be long 'til he sees home again.

So rain or shine the light is always glowing
Day or night the statue stands alone
Everyone that passes leaves here knowing
The light is always on, come on home

When you head out on the ocean
Wherever you may roam
May this light that sees you out
Be the light that brings you home

May this light that sees you out
Be the light that brings you home

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BURNED-OUT AT DISNEYWORLD
© 1988  Words and Music by Ed Austin

At a quarter to eight we bounce through the gate
Disneyworld stands straight ahead
One kid's chasing Mickey and one's chasing Goofy
And I'm wishing I'd stayed in bed

Three Cokes later, two trips to the john
We're twenty-five yards from the gate
The Jungleland cruise is an eight minute ride
after only a one hour wait

Burned-out at Disneyworld
Burned out at Disneyworld
It's a quarter to nine, my family is fine
But I'm burned-out at Disneyworld

We hop on the Skyway, the "Transport of the Future"
Walt Disney will show us all how
But we stood in the line snaked around twenty times
Hell, if we'd walked we'd been there by now

One kid wants the Haunted House, says he's not scared
But the little one just won't go in
I swear that I'm gonna rip out my hair
If he mentions Space Mountain again

Burned-out at Disneyworld
Burned out at Disneyworld
It's a quarter to one, it's not too much fun
 I'm burned-out at Disneyworld

The kids wandered off for the fourth time today
I've stopped wondering where they might be
Some Japanese tourists are yappin' away
There snappin' off pictures of me

My wife shot all day with no film in her camera
I think she's beginning to cry
I've been pushed, I been pulled
 I've been bumped, I've been bothered
I'm starting to ask myself why

My car's parked in Pluto, but I forget where
And the Monorail line's a mile long
I'll scream if I hear "It's a Small World" one more time
Man, I hate that damn song

Everyone's tired and sunburned
 All day I've been praying for rain
But when it's all done they say "Wasn't that fun!
And Pops, when can we do it again?!"

Burned-out at Disneyworld
Burned out at Disneyworld
It's a quarter to nine, my family and I've been
Burned-out at Disneyworld
Burned-out at Disneyworld
Burned out at Disneyworld

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GOIN' FISHIN'
© 1985 Words and Music by Ed Austin

I work a whole lotta hours, pay a whole lotta bills
Never had a load of money, don't suppose I ever will
I never say "No" to that overtime pay
But every Sunday you can hear me say

I'm goin' fishin'
I'm gonna hook into something
Take my mind off the working week
I'm goin' fishin'
But I don't really care if I don't catch a thing

I love my wife and my kids
My dog is the best
But after six days of working I need a day of rest
When church is all over and the chores are all done
My wife says "Honey, go have yourself some fun"

I'm goin' fishin'
I'm gonna hook into something
Take my mind off the working week
I'm goin' fishin'
But I don't really care if I don't catch a thing


Sippin' on a six-pack
Sittin' in the sun all day
I've got a red nose, red arms
Every week it happens
But every week you'll hear me say

I'm goin' fishin'
I'm gonna hook into something
Take my mind off the working week
I'm goin' fishin'
But I don't really care if I don't catch a thing

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CRAZY ONES
© 2011 Words and Music by Ed Austin

She was way too cute to be in this bar
Short black dress, long blond hair
She was old enough to be lots of trouble
She was young enough not to care

I was minding my business when she bumped up
She was smiling and lit up like a Christmas tree
One minute later she was dancin' on the bar
Why do the crazy ones always find me?

Why do the crazy ones always find me?
Man, I tell you it's a mystery
I should start runnin' when I see them comin'
'Cause the crazy ones always find me
The crazy ones always find me

I could hear that Harley pulling in outside
She was dressed half-leather, half-tattoo
She said "Hey, Big Boy, I'm really thirsty"
I could tell that she was really bad news

I bought her a beer just to be polite
Then her boyfriend walked in, said "What do I see?"
He was six foot - five, gonna kick my ass
Why do the crazy ones always find me?


Why do the crazy ones always find me?
Man, I tell you it's a mystery
I should start runnin' when I see them comin'
'Cause the crazy ones always find me
The crazy ones always find me

She was a silver - haired cougar, she was on the prowl
Dressed in red, turning heads
All the men want to get to know her better
All the women just want her dead

I was the youngest guy in the bar that night 
She slipped her hand on my knee
But she was old enough to be my Mom
Why do the crazy ones always find me?

Why do the crazy ones always find me?
Man, I tell you it's a mystery
I should start runnin' when I see them comin'
'Cause the crazy ones always find me
The crazy ones always find me
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LEIGH IN LOVE LOOK
© 2010 Words and Music by Ed Austin

She's the prettiest girl, I'm the luckiest guy
She's got that smile that makes me sigh
That Leigh in love look really does it for me

Her eyes light up and she starts beaming
My head gets light, it's like I'm dreaming
That Leigh in love look really does it for me

She won't believe me 'cause she's never seen it
It's never in her mirror
But I see it every time I'm near her
Baby, I mean it

She doesn't know what she does to me
She's got that glow that goes right through me
That Leigh in love look really does it for me


She won't believe me 'cause she's never seen it
It's never in her mirror
But I see it every time I'm near her
Baby, I mean it

She doesn't know what she does to me
She's got that glow that goes right through me
That Leigh in love look brings out that 'Me in love look'
That Leigh in love look really does it for me


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FOOL'S BLUES
© 1982  Words and Music by Ed Austin

Baby, I got your letter this morning
You don't know how it hurt me so
I'd hoped for some words of loving
Tell me Honey, how was I supposed to know
That you'd tell me you don't love me
You'd leave me no choice but to go

I thought about it
Said it don't matter much to me
No sir, my name is Ed Austin
And I can have plenty of women, just wait and see
But then I looked in my mirror
I saw the lonliest man that could ever be

You know, one side of me says
"Eddie, you are a fool to love that woman"
The other side of me says
"Eddie, you'd be a fool if you ever let that woman go"
But both sides say 'Eddie, you're a damn fool!"
 

And both sides are right, I know

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BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
 © 1993 Words and Music by Ed Austin

I was my father’s first, I had his name

But I don’t think we ever thought the same

I was freedom, and he was discipline

He’d be getting up while I was getting in.

 

I know he thought I never had a plan

I was still a boy, even as a man

Though we loved each other it was so hard to say

It wasn’t till his final years we made our peace

Then he passed away.

 

Dad, I’m sorry for the heartache I know I’ve put you through

I’ve been a disappointment and your hurt I can’t undo

So much time has slipped away I’m afraid it’s gone forever

He said “Son, it’s better late than never”.

 

I became a father in the fall of ‘82

And I confess, I never had a clue

I was always working nights and worthless in the days

Far too quick to criticize, and too afraid to praise

 

I did the best I could, but it was not enough

I can’t deny I ran away when things were tough

And though we love each other it’s so hard to show

Now he’s in his teenage years, we try again

It’s steady, but it’s slow

 

Son, I’m sorry for the heartache I know I’ve put you through

I’ve been a disappointment and your hurt I can’t undo

So much time has slipped away I’m afraid it’s gone forever

He said “Pops, it’s better late than never.”

 

And I loved what I lost

But I love what I’ve found

I can’t forget the cost

To turn my world around

 

 

I was forced to go to church, a time I came to hate

And on my own I spent my Sunday mornings sleeping late

I was sure the Lord knew I’d fallen off the track

And since he’d seen what I’d been through he’d never want me back

 

Just when I’d been swallowed by the night

I saw one hand reaching out, one hand with a light

And I knew He still loved me, though I’d been far away

With a gentle touch He cleared the debt I could never pay

 

Lord, I’m sorry for the heartache I know I’ve put you through

I’ve been a disappointment and your hurt I can’t undo

So much time has slipped away I’m afraid it’s gone forever

He said “My Son, It’s better late than never”.

 

It’s true…

And you can know that peace

It’s better late than never 

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CHRISTMAS IS OVER (NOW I WANT SPRING!
© 1994  Words and Music by Ed Austin


There’s a gently falling snow, we’ve got no place to go

It’s Christmas night by the fire

We’re toasty as can be, snuggled ‘round the Christmas tree

Hear the carols from the choir

 The kids are all asleep, the presents put away

It’s everything you’d want from the Holiday

Christmas is over…now I want Spring!


 I want Spring!

Don’t want the Winter, send back the snow

Don’t like the ice or when the cold winds blow

Christmas is over…now I want Spring!

 
Stow away those snow blowers,

Limber up those lawn mowers

Open the windows, turn off the heat

Send the trash and the tree on out to the street

Christmas is over…now I want Spring!

 

We’ve enjoyed those shiny icicles,

Now let’s enjoy those ten-speed bicycles

I’ve had enough of ribbons and wrappers

I want to hear robins and see backyard nappers

Christmas is over…now I want Spring!


 I want Spring!

Don’t want the Winter, send back the snow

Don’t like the ice or when the cold winds blow

Christmas is over…now I want Spring!

 
I’ve finally shopped all of the malls

Made all of the family calls

I’ve been decked, I’ve been jingled

I’ve been Bing Crosbyed and Kris Kringled

Christmas is over…now I want Spring!

 I want Spring!

Don’t want the Winter, send back the snow

Don’t like the ice or when the cold winds blow

Christmas is over…now I want Spring!

Christmas is over…now I want Spring!

 Well…maybe one last log…

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